Saturday, March 26, 2016

being an adult is scary.

The title of this post could have been so many things:

  • "My husband is a certified grown up and he wants me to be one too."
  • "I shop at Target too much."
  • "...but that dress is SO cute!"
  • "Oh my gosh, that Groupon for archery classes is a REALLY good deal!"
  • "I ate chocolate chip cookies for breakfast."
  • "I'm going to an eye doctor appointment with last night's eyeliner on."
The whole point of this is that I'm less than a week away from turning 30 and I feel like I need to get my shit together. I cut myself a break because I was planning a wedding, "working" on my dissertation, working full-time, and president of the student government association at my I kind of let a few other things go.  We're gonna break this down into a couple categories: physical, mental, and financial.
Let's not beat around the BMI is not exactly what the CDC would call "healthy." I have never been a thin human being but at one point in my life I was a lot healthier. I have been eating pretty much whatever I want since my wedding and I feel awful. My dogs woke me up in the middle of the night last night and I think I've had half a two liter of diet mountain dew this morning. That's probably not the answer. I haven't been to the gym in.....yeah I don't even know. I am tired ALL the time. Oh yeah, and I have gummi worms in my know, just in case. So, something should probably change. 

I'm a lot better than I once was, but I've still got a long way to go. About a year and a half ago, I got real about my mental health. I was struggling with undiagnosed anxiety and probably occasional bouts of depression. The depression was something that I never got real enough with admitting to myself or anyone else at that point. 
I am the classic definition of an extroverted introvert, which I think confuses a lot of people. When I'm surrounded by my best friends I'm comfortable and happy, but being around a lot of people, especially people I don't know is straining and exhausting to me. It's not meant to be offensive, it's just how I'm wired. I find myself needing more and more time to recharge from social interactions and it's concerning to me. It's not how I want to feel. I started anxiety meds and they have been making me feel a lot better, but it's a constant struggle. It's not something I talk about every day because I feel like it's a weird topic to bring up in conversation and it makes people feel awkward. If somebody mentions the topic though, I own it. I hope that by doing that, somebody who is in a similar position to where I was a couple years ago will realize that they're not alone and get help. 

I don't have what you would call...a budget. My husband is a legit financial wizard. I'm sure he would really like me to be better in this arena. I have been really making an effort to be more fiscally responsible. Until I'm making more money, I probably need to stop spending as much...and even then, my shopping should probably be budgeted. Oh wow, did I really just say that? Ugh, maybe I am growing up.

Looking at my bank account gives me even more anxiety than I already have because even when I have a fair amount of money in it, I fear that it's not enough. So up until this point, I've basically just been blissfully ignorant as to what I spend in a month. I have alerts set up from my bank for when I spend more than a certain amount, but otherwise, I try not to look at it. That's probably not good.

I'm going to start utilizing the Mint account that I created a long time ago and set up a budget for myself. I want to be a better grown up and ease some of hubs' worries. I want to start saving money for our future and getting prepared financially to start a family. It's scary but it's worth it.

I'm going to set some goals for myself in these three areas over the next few days and then actually hold myself accountable for these goals this time. The free-spirited days of my twenties are coming to a close and it's time to start taking care of myself and my bank account. 


  1. I feel this post so hard. I am in the middle of researching mutual funds right now because I really ought to invest some of this money rather than spend it all at target, but I have to take it in really little baby steps because a) I don't understand anything about finance and 2) it's so exhausting and boring to learn about. Guess that's what some of adulting is.

    1. I feel like being an adult just hits you one steps are great progress! I do the same thing, otherwise I would be totally overwhelmed! I'm going to try to make a point of starting to post some of the things I'm trying to do to get myself to the point of being a fiscally responsible person. Hope it helps!