Monday, January 9, 2017

this mama bear is hibernating tonight

I'll be thirty-one weeks pregnant on Thursday. It's been the greatest of blessings. I couldn't be more thankful and excited...but, today, I'm feeling...slightly on edge, anxious.

When I found out I was pregnant, I went off of all of my anxiety meds. I knew that if things got bad there were medications safe for pregnancy that I could try, but I wanted to give it a go cold turkey. This isn't for everyone and I must say that I had the blessing and supervision of my doctor when making this decision. I had very frank and open conversations with my doctor and when we started trying to get pregnant, I safely weaned myself off of the meds.

I'm almost to the end of my pregnancy journey and most days have been just fine, but I still have those days where the anxiety gets bad. I start overthinking things. I feel nervous, for really no reason in specific. I'm overwhelmed. I don't really want to talk to anyone.

I'm thankful that over the years I've become pretty self-aware of when I'm suffering from anxiety or depression. It wasn't always that way. There was a long period of time where I had no idea what was happening to me. I just didn't feel like me. Now, I know what to look for when I start feeling like that. I know the signs and I know the methods of self-care that I need to practice.

I go home and take a hot bath. I talk to my husband so he knows that I'm not feeling myself and doesn't take it personally when I'm acting differently. If I feel the need, I talk to a therapist or counselor. I make sure that I get some good sleep and I wake up the next day and re-assess.

I'm really excited about becoming a mom but I'm also (more than) slightly terrified. This is my first child and I have no idea what I'm doing. I know I'm capable and will learn, but I feel like there's so much I should know.

I'm being vigilant of my anxiety and taking each day at a time. If you're out there and you're going through the same thing: I hope you know that you're not alone. This is a huge life change. Huge life changes are often accompanied by anxiety and if you have a history of battling this monster, it's even more important for you to be aware of the symptoms when they may present themselves and take care of yourself.

Talk to your doctor or therapist. Talk to your partner or best friend. Watch your favorite movie and take a warm bath.

As for me, I'm going home to order some Indian food, enjoy a soak in the tub, and snuggle with my pups.

Tomorrow is another day and one I hope will be free from the anxiety that I'm battling today.

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